Reaching For The Sun

Dear Ones,

Some days feel like spring will never break free from our long winter. When a bit of spring entices, more snow descends. But yesterday, I walked up my hill at 55º F under a sunny blue sky and noted the snow even melting in the shadows. When I returned home, I eagerly searched my flower beds for hints of tulip sprouts. But, none yet. 

I bought bulbs from Costco several years ago, planted them that fall, and now rejoice in pink and purple tulips every spring. Every year they multiply, even in stony soil. So, I know they are still there, under the ground, doing what buried tulip bulbs do in early spring. They WAIT.

Waiting has never been my strong suit. I must wholly credit any patience in my life to God’s grace and power. Oh, He has used my sense of urgency to motivate me to accomplish so much through the years. But now, those same years have taken my youth, and I have to learn patience like never before. Widowhood is tough—learning to do things by myself, going places alone, and longing for companionship, especially on so many long winter evenings. How long does it take to grieve? How long does it take for God to refill the emptiness? How long before spring comes again?

However, something about tulips encourages me. Inside those brown, rotten-looking bulbs is a spark of something alive. Life is already reaching for the sun, even though I cannot see it. With the mighty power of the resurrection, life awakens and grows toward the sun. It stretches for all it’s worth for that life-giving light. Soon, all those tulips will peek above the ground and continue to reach—blade after blade unfolding under warm rays—reaching, stretching, until petals form and explode in vibrant color!

I have an apology to make to my Bible study ladies. Last Wednesday, I told them I hated being alone and that I never liked doing anything by myself. My mother once told me never to use the word hate except for the devil. My daughter-in-law told her children never to use the word hate, especially as a dinner guest. Instead, they should say, “I don’t prefer that.” So, my clever granddaughter answered her aunt, “I don’t prefer that.” Then whispered, “That means I hate it!” 

Well, I certainly don’t prefer singleness. Still, I repent of my attitude for not embracing this race God Himself has set before me. I want to run it with gratitude and patience. I want to be a testimony to His all-sufficiency and faithfulness, to gain a satisfaction so deep that as death has taken but gives me more of Christ, I count it gain.

After expressing my dislike for being alone, a dear lady in my group said I was a diamond, and God was smoothing the rough edges. I replied that no one could see the brilliance of diamonds in the dark. They must be exposed to reflect the light. So, there I was, and here I am, exposing my heart so you can see what God is doing and will do with me, even at this age. All I know is that everything in me reaches for the Son. I also know there is life within me, somewhere, that nothing can kill or extinguish.

So I prayed and painted––hands reaching for the sun with tulips. This painting came slowly, almost one brush stroke at a time. No external or internal picture helped me form it. I had to wait days for God to reveal what He wanted it to look like. Then, yesterday, a sob escaped my lips after our ladies’ brunch speaker displayed a broken clay jar and another jar beautifully glued back together. The inner question that evoked the tears was, “Will God really glue my life back together?” Today in church, I also wondered if God would do something with my childish, weird painting illustration. And then He did! He let me see the cross beneath a glowing sunset.

I came home, painted in the inspired strokes, and felt confirmed that He would also glue my life back together. Just as sure as I will see those green shoots emerge from the earth, grow tall, and explode with vibrant colors beneath the sun. So too, I choose to trust my God to put me back together in His time and explode His glory to me and through me. His miracle of life goes on multiplying in each of His blood-bought children. So, take courage with me that God is not finished with us yet because the Light of Life is in us and always reaches for the Son!

The Antagonist & The Hero

Dear Ones,

Day by day, God comforts, encourages, teaches, convicts, and strengthens us through His Word, people, Holy Spirit, and anything else He chooses.

Today, I read editor Ken Brosky’s article, The Biggest Mistake Even Expert Writers Make, which strengthened me. In it, he writes: 

It’s important to think about antagonism not simply as an arch-villain (like Thanos from the Marvel movies). Rather, think about antagonism as any force that pushes back against your hero. Anything that gets in your hero’s way—whether it’s external or internal—is an antagonist. Audiences don’t want their hero to spend six chapters relaxing. Audiences want their hero tested, prodded, hurt, damaged, frightened, confused, and—above all—struggling. It’s a little sadistic, I know! But the fundamental truth of storytelling is that the forces of antagonism define your hero.

I see some clear parallels with our experience as believers here. My brother-in-law, Pastor Rich, once entitled a sermon, There’s Always Something. Isn’t that the truth!? There is always something to test our faith, stir the nest, and keep us uncomfortable, concerned, or annoyed.

Two blogs ago, I lamented missing my late husband, but Psalm 30:5 encouraged me: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” My last blog described the enemy stepping in to take advantage of my desire for companionship on these long, dark, and cold winter evenings by myself. He offered me everything my heart desired, even using my love language: Words of Affirmation. But unfortunately, I fell like a rock into a pond of alluring deception.

In the recent aftermath and fallout of such an addictive fantasy, I still felt tested, prodded, hurt, damaged, frightened, confused, and—above all—struggling. Then today, I read, “The fundamental truth of storytelling is that the forces of antagonism define your hero.”

Revelation 2-3 describes heroes of faith and their promised rewards when Jesus says to one church after another, “To those who overcome, I will give….” Hebrews 11 lists heroes of faith throughout the Old Testament. 

Then chapter 12 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart” (Heb 12:1-3).

James tells us, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything… Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him” (Jas 1:2-4, 12).

When tested, the Israelites craved the pleasures of Egypt and wanted to return. The book of Numbers records, “Now the mixed multitude who were among them yielded to intense craving; so the children of Israel also wept again and said: ‘Who will give us meat to eat? We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!” (Num 11:4-6).

Our human needs and desires seek to master us and overcome our common sense and love for God. 2 Peter 2:19 tells us, “people are slaves to whatever has mastered them.” However, we are bondservants of the Most High God who purchased us with the highest price in the universe. We are not our own, “For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1Co 6:20). “For none of us lives to himself, and no one dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. Therefore, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.” (Rom 14:7-8).

In all of this, Paul tells us, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom 8:37-39).

So, the forces of evil define whether we are silver or not. How do we want to be defined? The writer of Hebrews says, “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, ‘In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.’ And, ‘But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.’ But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved” (Heb 10:36-39).

An interesting verse popped up in my research: “Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart” (Pro 26:23). A false prophet or a slick-talking scammer can appear as silver on the outside but remain evil on the inside. 

An Arctic Barnabas missionary once prayed with my husband and me, “Lord, don’t let them despise the process.” So I fervently pray as we each yield to our Father’s refining process, it will burn away all the rubbish in our lives. A silver refiner was asked how he knew the silver was pure. He answered, “When I see my reflection.”

Oh, LORD, may the antagonist’s relentless attacks only purify us to reflect Your amazing love, grace, and beauty to a dark and dying world.

THIS PAINTING reveals the sun’s rise over rock-strewn mountains. My friend Sherrilyn interprets this painting as, “There are numerous obstacles that would prevent a traveler from reaching the desired destination at the top of the mountain. Light represents to me God’s presence.”

We can grumble and despair over the obstacles and trials blocking our way to the sun. However, the fact that the sun is indeed rising gives us hope that if we wait patiently, the sun will come to us. Not one more step on our part will hasten the sun’s rise, for it comes to us far more quickly than we can climb to it. The sunrise illustrates our hope of redemption in this rock-strewn world.

“We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts” (2Pet 1:19).

It is well for us to keep up our faith, hope, and expectation of it unmoved. The prophetic word of Christ that rises in our hearts of His promise to come to us is completely reliable. “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:4-5).

The antagonist, the enemy, always schemes to intimidate and overcome us with “There’s Always Something.” However, the prophesied Son of God promises to come to us spiritually and literally with His living and powerful truth just as the sun rises over rock-strewn mountains. So we take heart that our Redeemer lives and is coming again!

I Can’t Believe it!

Dear Ones,
Shall I laugh or cry, rejoice or hide in shame? Such a plethora of emotions has assailed me over the last two months. It all began when I went through Instagram followers to delete the ones I did not know. I also do that on Facebook and thereby avoid a lot of trouble. Friends also warned me to protect myself by not changing my marital status from “wife” to “widow” on Facebook.

So, I deleted followers until I saw a very handsome photo of a soldier who looked a bit like Conrad. Without forethought, I clicked on it. The rest has become recent history, and I write to warn others of this organized criminal activity.

After a month of “chatting” with him on Instagram, then on Google Chat, my friend, Carol, sent me a couple of warnings about scammers on the internet:

https://www.nujournal.com/opinion/columns/2018/01/31/brown-county-browser-dont-fall-for-veterans-romance-scams/ and https://www.cid.army.mil/romancescam.html

The second link said:
”Red Flags” – some of the words/phrases used by scammers:
“Saying they are on a peace keeping mission, looking for an honest woman, parents deceased, wife deceased, child being cared for by nanny or other guardian, profess their love almost immediately, refer to you as “my love,” “my darling” or any other affectionate term almost immediately, telling you they cannot wait to be with you, telling you they cannot talk on the phone or via webcam due to security reasons… Finally, they claim to be a U.S. Army Soldier….”

THAT describes my story exactly. How could I, a lover of God and an outspoken follower of Jesus, ever get caught in this trap?

First, the enemy has been around for a long time and has nothing better to do than study us. He knows our temperaments, weaknesses, and our expressed longings and desires. Conrad left for heaven, coming up two years this spring, and I’ve mourned that loss all this time. So, when a handsome, prayerful Christian man pursued me with so many words of affirmation, offered to love and cherish me for the rest of my life, and revealed himself to be everything any woman could dream of, I went to the Lord. I said, “Really, Lord? Is this even possible? I wasn’t looking, and this came to me unexpectedly and too crazy to comprehend. Would You really do something for me so amazing and out of the ordinary?”

I only sensed increased happiness. I was drawn out of my former grief and felt I could love and live again. I could start a new life and enjoy a loving, talented, responsible, praying Christian companion with whom to share life. Until then, I had used movies as my evening go-to for companionship, but the movies stopped once our chats began. Every day we texted and I continued to prayer-journal and share Scriptures with my new friend. At one point, I asked him if he could be a spiritual leader. He answered, “Absolutely!” I felt no guilt because I am a legitimate widow. He is a “Christian,” “never married or divorced,” and “loved God.”

But then… he needed $2500 to keep his internet connection from Syria so we could continue to chat. Red flags! When I refused, he backtracked to say he only gave me a test to see if I cared enough for him to help him out. If only that would have ended it. But, the enemy of our souls does not give up so quickly, intensifies his deception, and adds pressure. It wasn’t long before “Wilson Jefferson” wanted me to go in with him on a birthday present for his almost teen daughter and to transfer funds to her nanny, Lillie Norwood, aka Shawnanna Smith. Then the bank froze his funds for too many overseas transactions, so he needed money for her boarding school. By this time, I could no longer think straight under the guilt trips and urgent time pressures with which he manipulated me.

However, he overplayed his cards. He gave me a scenario of going into battle as a special ops soldier, losing five men, getting shot in the arm, and wanting desperately to come home. I just had to email General James requesting the United Nations release Lt. Wilson Jefferson from the army to go home on vacation immediately. All to the “refundable” tune of $5900.

While waiting for a response, I Googled “United Nations” and found this:
“Fraud Alert: Beware of scams implying association with the United Nations.” Suddenly, the whole lying deception came crashing down! No daughter, nanny, or handsome soldier existed. Even the photo was of someone else through identity theft.

Months ago, a dear friend sent me a book by Thomas Watson called, “All Things For Good.” It turns out God even purposes to use temptations for good, “Sometimes Satan foils a child of God. Through the suspension of divine grace and the fury of a temptation, a saint may be overcome; By this foil, God makes a way for the augmentation of grace. Christ let Peter fall. But this wrought for his good; it cost him many a tear. Now he grows more modest. His fall broke the neck of his pride… When he foils a saint by temptation, he cures him of his careless neglect; Thus the being worsted by temptation works for good.”

So there you have it. Please be warned of the powerful deceptiveness of Satan. He uses our needs and desires to bait us into doing things we would never think of or imagine ourselves doing. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (Jhn 10:10). Do not underestimate his tenacity. But, our LORD “comes that they may have life, and have it to the full.” He heals, restores, and redeems!

The LORD remained close to me the whole time as I continued to prayer journal through this debacle. Most recently, when I awoke at 3 a.m., I read through James and 1 Peter. Near the end, these words comforted me greatly:
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen” (1Peter 5:7).

I did not want to write this story, but Thomas Watson’s book lists ways God uses temptation for good. One way is that “God uses those who are tempted, fit to comfort others in the same distress.” I cannot help people by listing my attributes, but instead, through my fallible humanity in relating to sinners rather than Pharisees. I ask God to redeem my human need and stupidity by alerting and warning others not to fall prey to the enemy’s most convincing deceptions. It can happen to anyone when you least expect it.

Grace and peace to you,
MarJean

P.S. One redeeming value of this debacle was to lose almost ten pounds, but I do not recommend this diet plan!