Reaching For The Sun
Dear Ones,
Some days feel like spring will never break free from our long winter. When a bit of spring entices, more snow descends. But yesterday, I walked up my hill at 55º F under a sunny blue sky and noted the snow even melting in the shadows. When I returned home, I eagerly searched my flower beds for hints of tulip sprouts. But, none yet.
I bought bulbs from Costco several years ago, planted them that fall, and now rejoice in pink and purple tulips every spring. Every year they multiply, even in stony soil. So, I know they are still there, under the ground, doing what buried tulip bulbs do in early spring. They WAIT.
Waiting has never been my strong suit. I must wholly credit any patience in my life to God’s grace and power. Oh, He has used my sense of urgency to motivate me to accomplish so much through the years. But now, those same years have taken my youth, and I have to learn patience like never before. Widowhood is tough—learning to do things by myself, going places alone, and longing for companionship, especially on so many long winter evenings. How long does it take to grieve? How long does it take for God to refill the emptiness? How long before spring comes again?
However, something about tulips encourages me. Inside those brown, rotten-looking bulbs is a spark of something alive. Life is already reaching for the sun, even though I cannot see it. With the mighty power of the resurrection, life awakens and grows toward the sun. It stretches for all it’s worth for that life-giving light. Soon, all those tulips will peek above the ground and continue to reach—blade after blade unfolding under warm rays—reaching, stretching, until petals form and explode in vibrant color!
I have an apology to make to my Bible study ladies. Last Wednesday, I told them I hated being alone and that I never liked doing anything by myself. My mother once told me never to use the word hate except for the devil. My daughter-in-law told her children never to use the word hate, especially as a dinner guest. Instead, they should say, “I don’t prefer that.” So, my clever granddaughter answered her aunt, “I don’t prefer that.” Then whispered, “That means I hate it!”
Well, I certainly don’t prefer singleness. Still, I repent of my attitude for not embracing this race God Himself has set before me. I want to run it with gratitude and patience. I want to be a testimony to His all-sufficiency and faithfulness, to gain a satisfaction so deep that as death has taken but gives me more of Christ, I count it gain.
After expressing my dislike for being alone, a dear lady in my group said I was a diamond, and God was smoothing the rough edges. I replied that no one could see the brilliance of diamonds in the dark. They must be exposed to reflect the light. So, there I was, and here I am, exposing my heart so you can see what God is doing and will do with me, even at this age. All I know is that everything in me reaches for the Son. I also know there is life within me, somewhere, that nothing can kill or extinguish.
So I prayed and painted––hands reaching for the sun with tulips. This painting came slowly, almost one brush stroke at a time. No external or internal picture helped me form it. I had to wait days for God to reveal what He wanted it to look like. Then, yesterday, a sob escaped my lips after our ladies’ brunch speaker displayed a broken clay jar and another jar beautifully glued back together. The inner question that evoked the tears was, “Will God really glue my life back together?” Today in church, I also wondered if God would do something with my childish, weird painting illustration. And then He did! He let me see the cross beneath a glowing sunset.
I came home, painted in the inspired strokes, and felt confirmed that He would also glue my life back together. Just as sure as I will see those green shoots emerge from the earth, grow tall, and explode with vibrant colors beneath the sun. So too, I choose to trust my God to put me back together in His time and explode His glory to me and through me. His miracle of life goes on multiplying in each of His blood-bought children. So, take courage with me that God is not finished with us yet because the Light of Life is in us and always reaches for the Son!
10 COMMENTS
This is beautiful, Jeannie…the painting and your words. It is wonderful that we can keep growing, no matter our age; and that we can keep reaching up, like the tulips.
Love you and miss you,
Judy
Thank you for your kind response, dear Judy! I miss you, too, and I look forward to the day we can get together again. Yes, God keeps working in and through us, and it will be good to converse about that. I have a lot of questions for you about being single. I need a mentor in that arena.
Hugs!!
Jeannie
MarJean,
I too am anxiously awaiting spring and the promise of new life and color. Your beautiful painting is one of my very favorites, illustrating our constant need, but also our glorious hope in Him. Thank you for sharing your humble, honest and hopeful message.
P.S. I will be watching for the first signs of your tulips too. 🌷
❤️ Kandy
Thank you, dear Kandy. I’m glad you like the painting, it was not one I thought would ever amount to anything likeable, but GOD stepped in at the last minute and redeemed it like only He can do. May He continue to bless your life and of those you love.
<3
MarJean
Dear Jeanie, your transparency encourages us because of your trust in the One who is faithful. Widowhood is hard. Doing things alone is hard. But you are allowing Christ to form you as He wishes, trusting Him to bring new life and growth out of His resurrection! I love this painting. So descriptive. Love you!
Thank you so much for this lovely insight. I certainly feel the same way about singleness. It is finding the Lord as our comfort in our aloneness. He gives us all we need to do what is necessary. He will always give us the
necessary tools to keep our minds focused on Him. Discipline is the key to be in His word and focused on Him. I still continue to pray for you.
Shirley
Dear Shirley, Thank you for your kind response. Yes, I know you understand, as only another widow can. You are an inspiration to me in the way you have reached out in many ways to bless others and God Himself will reward you fully. Thank you for your faithful prayers. We do need each other, which is God’s way of comforting and encouraging us. Hugs, sweet friend!
Thank you so much for this lovely insight. I certainly feel the same way about singleness. It is finding the Lord as our comfort in our aloneness. He gives us all we need to do what is necessary. He will always give us the
necessary tools to keep our minds focused on Him. Discipline is the key to be in His word and focused on Him. I still continue to pray for you.
Shirley
MarJean: Thank you so much for this lovely insight. I certainly feel the same way about singleness. It is finding the Lord as our comfort in our aloneness. He gives us all that is necessary to focus on Him. Love your paintings and insight. I continue to pray for you.
Shirley
Dear Marjean,
It truly seems like the lessons to be learned in our lifetimes are never ending. And so I know that I will forever need my Lord as I attempt to navigate this road. Some days are so full of ruts and bumps which cause me to really cherish those paths that are smooth and joy filled. I am thankful to know and trust in the truth that my Father cares about it all.
Thank you for sharing your heart and expressing it so beautifully in your painting.. I appreciate you so very much. ❤️ Nancy
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