When I write to encourage others, God usually brings a trial through which He reveals Himself to me, which gives me something worthwhile to share with others. Well, last week He didn’t wait long to show me that roses of relationship have thorns. I received an email response to what I considered encouragement that put me in a tailspin! In my rapid descent, the enemy accused me, crushed my spirit, and tormented me with fears. This email disagreed with my long-held view on the process of salvation, seemingly a valid theological difference.

After a long day, my husband and I settled down to watch a movie. Yet my heart carried too much turmoil to concentrate, so instead, I explained my struggle to my husband. Always a good listener and insightful counselor, he said, “Maybe you’re grieving.” Tears suddenly surfaced. Maybe my pain had little to do with theology. I actually feared a loss of relationship with someone I held dear because we no longer agreed on a theological issue.

Where could I turn but to the Lord? The Psalmist says, “My heart has heard you say, ‘Come and talk with me.’ And my heart responds, ‘LORD, I am coming’” (Ps 27:8). In His sweet grace, the Lord often uses people to deliver His comfort and truth. After my husband and I talked, and I admitted my misplaced security, we asked for God’s healing presence, and the battle ended.

Instead of turmoil, a quiet peace came over me. Releasing my desire for validation from this person brought peace, but I also noted a deep sense of loneliness. Agreement produces a feeling of relationship. To let go of agreement, left me feeling relationally isolated. I knew my next step. I asked God to fill that emptiness with more of Himself. In Philippians 3:7-11, Paul says that whatever he gained, he considered a loss for the sake of Christ. In fact, he considered everything garbage compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus his Lord. If loss gives me more of Jesus, I gain more than I lose!

In Isaiah 30, the Lord said, “Woe to the rebellious children,” who went to Egypt for security instead of the Lord, who trusted in idols, instead of trusting in the true God. God released me from my “idols” to trust only in Him, which produces the security I need. The truth set me free from anxiety to love even more deeply, the one with whom I disagreed. God empowered me to send my email reply with loving gratitude for the time, effort, honesty, and courage it took to write in the face of disagreement.

God also says, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength” (Isa 30:15-16). He offers to deliver me from my fears when I return to Him for security and validation. After all, God paid the highest price in the universe to reconcile me to Himself through Jesus Christ. He also promises to give me strength when I shut my mouth and trust confidently in His faithful provision to do what I cannot do by human wisdom or effort. A gentle and quiet spirit gives me the strength to respond with love and acceptance.

Isaiah 57:15, says, “For thus says the high and exalted One Who lives forever, whose name is Holy, ‘I dwell on a high and holy place, And also with the contrite and lowly of spirit In order to revive the spirit of the lowly And to revive the heart of the contrite.’” My Abba Father reached down from His high and holy place to break my will and revive my broken heart. Though relationships bring pain, they are still worth gathering. God heals the wounds they produce and gives us more of His beautiful self.

So, I’m writing blogs again, but with holy fear. As C.S. Lewis says, “Aslan is not safe, but he is good.” I don’t mind asking you to pray for me in the weeks and months ahead, that I will see and hear clearly what the Lord wants to show me to share with you. May you be strengthened and encouraged with me, and may He reveal more and more of Himself to us.

With love and prayers,
MarJean